Let me tell you about my love life. Drinks-wise. For years, it was wine. Big glasses, Friday nights, the lot. I was a big wine drinker, and wine and I were very happy, apart from every Saturday morning.
Then I met kombucha. Sharp, fizzy, a bit funky, a bit weird. Found it as a wine alternative and things moved fast. Now I run a business that pours the stuff on tap. As midlife crises go, it's cheaper than a motorbike.
So I'm well placed to referee this one. Alcohol-free wine versus kombucha. My old flame's sober cousin versus my current squeeze.
The short answer
Alcohol-free wine is wine with the alcohol taken out, so it's the closer match if you miss the taste and feel of a glass of wine with dinner. Kombucha is fermented sweetened tea, sharp and lightly fizzy, and it doesn't pretend to be wine at all. Pick alcohol-free wine for dinners, celebrations and familiarity. Pick kombucha for something with more zip, more surprise and less of a wine-shaped hole. Honestly, most people end up keeping both in the fridge.
What's actually the difference?
Alcohol-free wine starts as real wine. Grapes are fermented the normal way, then the alcohol is removed. When it's done well you keep the fruit, the acidity and some of the structure. When it's done badly you get grape juice that's had some bad news.
Kombucha is tea, sugar and a culture of bacteria and yeast (the famous SCOBY), left to ferment. The culture eats most of the sugar and leaves behind something tart, lightly fizzy and alive. Then brewers flavour it with fruit, ginger, herbs, hops, whatever. It's the Jeff Goldblum of drinks. Unpredictable, a bit odd, and somehow everyone loves it.
Round one: taste
Alcohol-free wine has the harder job. Alcohol carries smell and gives wine its weight and warmth. Take it out and lots of wines go thin. But the good ones are lovely. Miris Blend Édition Premier Blanc is a still white from Germany's Palatinate with citrus, green herbs, elderflower, gooseberry and a salty sea-breeze note. Crisp and lively. That's a proper glass of white.
Kombucha has it easier, because nobody expects it to taste like anything else. Sharpness is part of its personality. A good dry one can do a lot of what a crisp white does: wake your mouth up, cut through food, feel grown-up in a wine glass.
Verdict: if you want wine, wine wins. If you want flavour, kombucha often punches above its weight.
Round two: sweetness
This catches people out. A lot of alcohol-free wines taste a bit sweeter than you'd expect, because without alcohol the fruit stands out more. If you like it dry, choose carefully. ZENO Alcohol Liberated White is zingy, with mango, passionfruit, apple and citrus, and a bit of texture. Fruity, but with enough zip to stop it being pudding.
Kombucha varies too. Some are tart and dry. Some are basically pop with a beard. Read the label and you'll soon find your level.
Verdict: a draw. Both have saints and sinners.
Round three: food
At the dinner table, alcohol-free wine follows the usual rules, which makes life easy. Red with the roast. Miris Blend Cabernet Sauvignon brings blackcurrant, dark plum and silky tannins, and it's one of the very few alcohol-free reds that tastes like red wine. Made by a brilliant, slightly bonkers Norwegian sommelier.
Kombucha is more of a wildcard, and that's the fun. Sharp, citrusy kombucha with a curry. Ginger kombucha with anything spicy. Something floral with cheese. It doesn't follow the rules because it never read them.
Verdict: wine for the Sunday roast. Kombucha for the Friday curry.
Round four: the occasion
Some moments want a cork. Weddings, birthdays, "we finally got the kitchen done". There's no beating the pop of a bottle of fizz for that. Noughty 0.0% Sparkling Rosé is organic Tempranillo from southern Spain, 0.0%, with nearly half the sugar of most alcohol-free fizz. Cork it, pour it, toast it. Everyone's happy.
Kombucha is better for the looser moments. A Tuesday night in. A picnic. Lunch in the garden. It's not a costume drink, it's just itself.
And if you can't decide, there's a halfway house. Copenhagen Sparkling Tea LYSERØD is sparkling tea in a wine bottle: dry, with red berries and apple, oolong and white tea. Not wine, not kombucha. It's the friend you bring to keep both of them happy.
Verdict: wine for big nights. Kombucha for every other night.
Round five: commitment issues
A full bottle of wine is a commitment. Once it's open, you've got a few days. Kombucha comes in single bottles or cans, so you open one and you're done.
Alcohol-free wine has caught up a bit here, though. Pierre Zéro Rosé 20cl is one glass of French rosé at 0.0%, aromatic and fruity. For when you just fancy the one. Like a first date, but with a twist cap.
If you're worried about opened bottles, we've covered whether alcohol-free wine goes off. Spoiler: yes, faster than you think.
So which should you choose?
If you miss the taste and the feel of a glass of wine with dinner, start with alcohol-free wine. If you're happy to try something new, kombucha is where things get exciting. And if you're me, you keep both, and only feel slightly guilty about it.
Former wine drinker curious about kombucha? Read kombucha for wine lovers for which styles to try first, or our example of kombucha replacing the evening wine for how the swap actually works week to week.
Where to get them
The wine is right here. You can build a wine box and mix any bottles you like. Buy 6 bottles of wine or spirits for 10% off, or 12 for 15% off. Delivery is free on UK mainland orders over £85, £4.95 under.
The kombucha lives at my sister shop, Kombucha Club. Or come and try both side by side at Functional Drinks Club, 7 Manor Square, Otley, LS21 3AP, where the kombucha's on tap. Online orders can't be collected there, but you can buy in person.
The serious bit
In the UK, drinks up to 0.5% ABV count as alcohol-free. That isn't 0.0%, so if you need zero, check the label. Kombucha is a fermented drink, so it naturally contains a little alcohol too. Shop-bought kombucha sold as alcohol-free should be under 0.5%, but check the label if you need to avoid alcohol completely.
If you're pregnant or on medication, check with your GP before trying something new, especially live, unpasteurised drinks. And if you're worried about your drinking, Drinkaware and the NHS alcohol advice pages have free, proper support.
Kombucha Kev, Functional Drinks Club
