Cutting down is easy on your own sofa. It's the rest of the world that's the problem.
The pub. The barbecue. The work do where Gary from accounts is three Proseccos in and doing the worm.
Every situation has its own trap. So every situation needs its own swap.
Here's my guide to sober curious drink swaps by occasion. (Sober curious is just the trendy name for "having a think about it". Daft name, decent idea.) Not by drink type, by moment.
Because "what do I drink at a christening?" is a very different question from "what do I drink on a Tuesday?"
The short answer
The best drink swaps match the occasion, not just the drink. At the pub, order something that looks like a pint. On the sofa, go for something slow and rich.
At a barbecue, a crisp lager or cider. At a work do, a small bottle of fizz. On a date, something that looks like you've made an effort.
If you'd rather swap drink by drink (beer for beer, gin for gin), I've covered that in alcohol-free alternatives by drink type.
The pub: blend in, then stop worrying
The pub is the final boss. Rounds, banter, someone asking "what's that?" in the tone of a customs officer.
The trick is to order something that looks like everyone else's. Most pubs now have an alcohol-free lager or pale ale in the fridge, even if it's not on the board, so ask. If they've got nothing, a tonic with ice and lime in a highball glass looks exactly like a G&T from three feet away.
Nobody's checking. They're too busy arguing about the quiz.
Get your round in early, so nobody gets you a "proper" one. More tactics in my guide to surviving the pub sober.
The sofa: something slow and rich
This is where the habit lives. Kettle, telly, fridge, wine.
You don't need a strategy for the sofa. You need a better drink in the fridge.
Go for something you sip, not something you neck. Nirvana Mocha Porter is dark chocolate, coffee and roasted hazelnut, brewed with coffee from their East London neighbours.
Rich and smooth, and one can lasts a whole episode. Two if it's a slow Scandi drama where nobody talks for twenty minutes.
The barbecue: crisp, cold, lots of them
Barbecues are thirsty work, mostly because someone's dad has been stood over the coals for three hours "nearly done". You want something cold and refreshing that you can have a few of.
Firebrand Little Wave is a crisp, clean lager at 31 calories a can. For the cider crowd, Two Farmers is a medium dry Herefordshire cider at true 0.0% with no added sugar, which tastes like a proper farmhouse pint.
Fill the cool box. If you're the host, here's how to host a barbecue when you're not drinking.
The work do: small, sparkly, no questions
Office parties run on fizz and fear. You want a glass in your hand so nobody keeps offering you one. You also want to remember what you said to the MD.
A little 20cl bottle of Pierre Zéro Sparkling Rosé pours one glass of pink French fizz at 0.0%. Bring a couple if it's at someone's house. And if you're in charge of the office fridge, here's what a sober-friendly office drinks fridge looks like.
The date: look like you've made an effort
Dates are nerve-wracking enough without spending the first ten minutes explaining why you're on the orange juice. Pick something that says "I have taste", not "I'm on antibiotics".
Noughty Sparkling Rosé is organic Tempranillo fizz at 0.0%, with less sugar than most alcohol-free fizz. Serve it very cold.
It's a bit Pretty Woman, minus the rented penthouse. For more ideas, there's a full guide to alcohol-free date night drinks.
After the parkrun: earn it, then don't go on about it
A word about a certain type of person. They stopped drinking and immediately signed up for an ultramarathon. Now every Sunday is a five-hour run and a forty-minute chat about splits.
They swapped hangovers for blisters. Still out of the game.
You don't have to be them. But if you have done a parkrun, a cold beer afterwards is a lovely thing. Athletic Upside Dawn is a light, citrusy golden ale at 45 calories, gluten free and vegan.
Drink it in the sunshine. Mention your time once, maximum.
Stocking up for every occasion
The easiest way to have the right drink for every situation is a mixed box. Pick any drinks across the site: 6 or more get 5% off, 12 or more 10%, and 24 or more 15%.
You can build a mixed box here. Delivery is free on UK mainland orders over £85, and £4.95 under.
The serious bit
In the UK, drinks labelled alcohol-free can contain up to 0.5% ABV. Some drinks above are 0.0% and some are up to 0.5%, so if you need zero alcohol, check the label. If you're driving, pregnant, on medication or have a health condition, it's worth knowing which is which.
If you're trying to cut down, the NHS has practical tips on cutting down. If you're worried about your drinking, speak to your GP or contact Drinkaware or the NHS for free, confidential support.
Kombucha Kev, Functional Drinks Club
