Date night. The babysitter's booked, the good glasses are out, and someone has lit a candle that smells of "Nordic Forest", which is apparently a smell now.
Then comes the big question: what are we drinking? For years the answer was "a bottle of red, then possibly another bottle of red." If you're cutting back, that leaves a big wine-shaped hole on the table.
Good news. You can fill it with drinks that actually feel like an occasion.
And you'll both remember the conversation. Which, depending on the conversation, is either a bonus or a risk.
The short answer
The best alcohol-free date night drinks follow the evening. Start with alcohol-free fizz, move to a bitter spritz before dinner, pour an alcohol-free red or sparkling tea with the food, and finish with a chocolate stout or an alcohol-free espresso martini.
Use proper glasses. Chill everything. Don't serve anything in a can straight to someone you're trying to impress.
The first pour: fizz
Bubbles make anything feel like a celebration, even a Tuesday with leftover lasagne. The cork pop does half the work. You just stand there looking pleased with yourself.
For the big romantic gesture, Wild Idol Sparkling Rosé is 0.0%, delicate pink, with strawberry, peach and rose petal. It looks a million dollars on the table, which is handy, because at £30 it costs a fair bit of one.
For a more everyday "we're making an effort" night, Miris Blend Blanc de Blancs has green apple, lemon meringue and biscuit notes for £16. My alcohol-free sparkling wine review has more.
Before dinner: a bitter spritz
Nothing says "we're sophisticated people who've definitely not been arguing about the bins" like an orange spritz. It's aperitivo hour.
You're basically in Lake Como. Lake Como just happens to have a view of the wheelie bins.
Smiling Wolf Aperitivo is bittersweet and orangey, made with Italian wine and 18 herbs and bitters. Top it with alcohol-free fizz and soda, add a slice of orange and a bowl of olives. It's 0.5% ABV.
The bitterness is the point. It wakes up your appetite and makes the drink feel grown-up, rather than something from a kids' party with a paper umbrella in it.
With dinner: red or sparkling tea
If dinner is steak, lasagne or anything with a sauce you've been stirring for an hour, go red. Pierre Zéro Merlot is a fruity, floral French Merlot at 0.0%.
Chill it for twenty minutes first. Trust me.
For fish, sushi or a salad, try Copenhagen Sparkling Tea BLÅ. It's blended from up to 13 organic teas by an award-winning Danish sommelier and it's properly elegant in a wine glass.
Fancy something fancier? My list of the best non-alcoholic red wines goes all the way up to a £50 bottle from Saint-Émilion. Which is a date night in itself, really.
Pudding: a stout that thinks it's a cake
This is my favourite bit. Mash Gang Lesser Evil is a chocolate and cherry stout that's thick and creamy, with cacao, cherry juice, vanilla and oats. And no dairy.
Pour it slowly into two glasses next to a Black Forest gateau and you've basically recreated a 1970s dinner party, only better. Or pour it over a scoop of vanilla ice cream for a stout float.
Is that sophisticated? No. Is it delicious? Very.
After dinner: the espresso martini
Here's a date night truth nobody talks about. You put a film on at 9pm, and by 9.20pm one of you is asleep.
Usually snoring. Usually the one who said "I'm not even tired."
Mocktails Espress0% Martini fixes that, sort of. It's a nitro can with cold brew espresso and Madagascan vanilla. Chill it, pour it hard into a martini glass and watch the crema form.
Fair warning: it's got about a double espresso's worth of caffeine. You'll stay awake for the whole film.
And possibly the next one. And the 2am documentary about lighthouses.
A few date night rules
Glassware matters more than you'd think. The same drink tastes better in a nice glass.
It's science. Well, it's not, but it feels like it.
Don't make every drink an impression of your old favourite. Some of the best ones, like sparkling tea or a good spritz, are their own thing. And if you're hosting more than just the two of you, my guide to alcohol-free hosting has you covered.
Stocking up? Mix any six drinks for 5% off, twelve for 10% and 24 for 15%, and wine and spirits bottles get 10% off six or 15% off twelve.
Delivery's free on UK mainland orders over £85. Have a browse of our alcohol-free sparkling range to start.
The serious bit
Drinks up to 0.5% ABV count as alcohol-free in the UK, but that isn't 0.0%, so check the label if you need zero. If you're pregnant, stick to 0.0% and check with your GP or midwife.
If you're on medication, check with your GP. If you're worried about your drinking, Drinkaware and NHS alcohol support are good places to start.
Kombucha Kev, Functional Drinks Club
