You've stopped drinking. Brilliant. Now comes the tricky bit: telling your mates.
Brace yourself. They're going to go through the five stages of grief. And you're going to enjoy every one of them.
Stage one: denial
“You? Stopped? Give over. You'll be back on it by Friday.”
Smile. Nod. Order an alcohol-free beer. Let Friday come and go. Then the Friday after that. Denial doesn't survive a month.
Stage two: bargaining
“Go on, just one. It's my birthday. It's Tuesday. It's sunny.”
Your mate has become a hostage negotiator. Hold firm. Keep a drink in your hand. Forgot To Take My Pils looks the part and tastes it too.
Stage three: anger
“Well, that's no fun. Who am I meant to do shots with now?”
Mate, you were never meant to do shots. Nobody is. It's the one thing every adult agrees on, usually at about 3am.
Stage four: sadness
“It won't be the same.”
They're right. It'll be better. You'll remember their stories. You'll drive them home. You'll be the only one who can work out the bill. Honestly, you're a catch.
Stage five: acceptance
“What's that you're drinking? Can I try one?”
Your work here is done. Accept your hero status.
Bonus stage: the runner panic
Some mates will assume you've stopped drinking to take up running. Because that's what happens, isn't it? Everyone who quits ends up doing five-hour runs on a Sunday. Swapped hangovers for hamstrings. Still out the game. Reassure them. You'll still be at Sunday lunch. Probably.
Lines that work
Keep it short and cheeky. “I've retired. Full pension.” “I'm allergic. To hangovers.” “I peaked. Couldn't top it.” Or just: “I'm not drinking.” It's a full sentence. You don't owe anyone a TED Talk.
I'm Chief Marketing Officer at a quiz company. I spend a lot of time in pubs explaining what I do. “I'm not drinking” is the easiest thing I say all night.
And if a friendship changes?
Some might. If a friendship only worked with eight pints in it, it was less a friendship and more a hostage situation with crisps. The good ones stay, and they're the ones who can laugh about it with you.
The deal bit
Mix any 6 drinks and save 5%, up to 15% for 24. More in our guide to stopping. Go tell your mates. Enjoy their faces.
The serious bit
If you've been drinking heavily every day, have a chat with your GP before you stop, because stopping suddenly can be dangerous. They'll help you do it safely.
