What if I told you there's a way to drink half as much, feel twice as good on Sunday, and nobody would even notice?
No apps. No willpower. No standing in the corner with a lemonade like a sad Victorian child. It's called zebra striping, and it's the laziest genius idea going. And I should know. Lazy genius is my whole brand. Mostly the lazy bit.
The rules (there are two)
One: have a drink with alcohol. Two: have a drink without. Repeat.
That's it. Black, white, black, white. Like a zebra. Or a Newcastle shirt. Or a very well-behaved piano.
Why it works
I spent ten years in public health trying to get people to do the healthy thing. The big lesson? Willpower is rubbish. It runs out by Wednesday. Mine runs out by Tuesday lunch.
What works is making the good choice the easy one. You don't have to say no to anything. You just say “and one of those”.
The empty glass problem
Most of us don't drink because we're desperate for alcohol. We drink because our hand is empty. An empty glass is a vacuum, and nature, and your mate at the bar, abhor a vacuum.
Keep your hand full and the night slows down. You remember the funny bits. You tell the story on Monday instead of starring in it.
How to stripe like a legend
Pick a stripe you actually like. Warm lemonade is a punishment, not a stripe. Fierce Beer 1983 is a crisp golden lager. Athletic Upside Dawn is 45 calories and drinks like a dream.
Stripe early. Straight after your first proper drink. Leave it till your fifth and you won't.
Keep the stripes coldest. Humans are lazy. The coldest can wins. Science.
The slippery slope
Zebra striping gives you your Saturdays back. Breakfast. A walk. And then, if you're not careful, a parkrun. Then a half marathon. Then five-hour runs every Sunday, and nobody's seen you at the pub since Christmas. You've swapped hangovers for hamstrings. Still out the game. Just with better calves.
“Life moves pretty fast.” Ferris Bueller said that. He wasn't talking about your 10K pace, but he could've been.
The deal bit
Mix any 6 drinks and get 5% off, up to 15% for 24. Or build a beer box and stock the fridge with stripes. More in our zebra striping guide.
The serious bit
Zebra striping is about drinking less overall. Every drink shows its exact ABV. If you're worried about your drinking, your GP is a great first call, and the NHS website has support.
